This post is not about you. This is about them.
Have you ever felt like you don't feel excited at all for your big day, not even the slightest happiness? I have. Sometimes in life, people get to the limit that they cannot handle the pressure, in my case, I cannot handle the pressure of being away from my parents. With this upcoming convocation, my parents are not gonna be around to celebrate it with me. Sometimes I get too tired from this kind of feeling, not that I am spoiled, but I just cannot stand anymore from living far away from them. And I know that people might think I am lucky that I still get the chance to meet em, but for me it's still not enough. I've been living far from them for so long. Or maybe they are the one who've been living far away from me. It's not that I can choose, it is their decision to make and whatever their reasons, I know it is for the best for all of us. I just wish that someday I got the chance to live with them. Like a whole family. Again. Decades ago.
Over the year, I got the chance to see them more often at the airport than to our home. With father working in Iraq and Oman, mother traveling around, they only come to KL just for transit, few hours at the airport before they continue their journey to somewhere else. They will come to KL this October but they cannot even wait for a day for my convocation. They will leave KL a day before my convo and that sucks. I told them I won't attend the convo and will go to Oman with em, but mom said no. I have to attend my special day. Next thing I know, I just wanna run away. To them.
I get to meet my parents once in a while, my closest siblings once in a while. We don't really talk much. We pretty much keeping everything to ourselves. We don't share much stories and whenever we meet it feels awkward to hug or kiss. We don't say I love you or I miss you as often as other family does. Maybe that's the reason now, when I hug somone, I really don't wanna let go.
